The gnawing feeling that you are the only one who feels a certain way about a certain subject matter is one that many have faced and still face today. It is a problem for some, those who find it a problem may think it is so as a result of a few reasons. Classes were taught in a factory manner where the wavy and the concave and the convex had to fit on a straight line, the resulting gulf in expectation versus reality was unfortunate. Those who were only good in a few were considered less than the one who averaged the most scores on the sheet. This brings up an interesting question in the minds of those who feel they could not know all, is different the same as unfit for work or for purpose? The answer they got rather subconsciously was “Yes, Yes, a thousand times yes”
The alone person after pondering on their dilemma decides to find the group that best suits their beliefs and opinions they hold as the core of their person. Groups in their nature are profitable as they satisfy the need to belong and check the box marked idyllic purpose. This again may be okay for some but not for others, see they find that while the group they belong to expresses their broader views they disagree on simpler seemingly mundane things and talking points. The question to be asked now is: Am I more committed to the broader ideal or the more specific ones? If the answer is specific ideals then the person is faced with a dilemma of speech. Whether the dissenting speech is to be silenced or voiced out with clanging drums and marching bands with wailing sirens and microphones and speakers. Is different bad? The group states an ideal for the party to follow but not a requirement to follow this ideal, the ideal seems okay enough to survive as no good came from quitting. The group organises protest after protest and it becomes clear that your belief is not one that you would like everyone to hold, it is unpopular or it is popular but a private expression. The movement is highly politicized and passes buzzwords along to shut down discussion, argument and disagreement like candy given at hallows eve. These harmless words, the more the merrier keep flowing down through the pipeline with specific definition after specific definition and you begin to wonder if their words are dangerous. If their monolithic view of others and hive-mind construction could lead to radical thoughts, para – military groups and illegal operations. How do you know if your movement is right? How do you know how history will judge you?
You return home, sweaty from protesting and seriously think about the earlier posited questions and can fail to see any future profit to be gained from such an alliance, from such a Faustian deal. You lay in bed tossing turning like a bull unhinged waiting for time to tell as they say but you hear no peep. Night fails to calm and day comes drudging bright in and your blinders don’t blind you from the sun, wonder oh wonder begins in your mind to abandon your ideal and your movement and live for yourself and any you may care for as time passes. Teeth whitened and flossed in between, hair is conditioned and body is clean and you await for the happiness to overwhelm you. Oh what a wait! For in those thoughts you find that thinking for yourself is selfish and think of how many people you owe your livelihood to and you browse the internet for a broader group with a broader spectrum.
That is a paradox of aloneness.