Press Statement

Unbeknown to me and mine there was a rumour about me and my family that has made its way into the general conversation on the internet. I would like to clear up what was said verbatim by myself and the other parties involved which is on the record, the intention of the statements will be heretofore consolidated as well and an apology will be issued to those affected.
On the 11th of April 2017, myself, family and two cabinet members were having dinner at the Culinary Awards Show 2017. The environment was lighthearted as we had witnessed Jamie Oliver give a speech on the importance of dieting among young adults and children as he collected his award for most speeches on the same topic. In attendance as well were Mel Gibson, recently reformed with his grey apology beard which earned him an Oscar nomination as well as a fog of acceptance in the glamour world of tinsel town. Broached unexpectedly by my minister of finance was the particularly toxic topic of Pepsi and it’s role in stopping the angrier protests concurrently occurring all around the western hemisphere. I in slight made a remark as the room had gone quiet ‘I enjoy a sip of that sweet cola every now and then because it males me feel important’. The room filled with guffaws and angry protesting as Jamie Oliver turned red and others approached where we were seated and we had to be escorted out of the ceremony where we were welcome only a few hours ago.
I would like to clarify that the sentiment expressed was in regard to the quality of the cola brand and its superiority to its red counterpart and not a larger comment on its societal importance or lack thereof. This was definitely not a rallying call in support of their recent marketing campaign and the poor Kardashian that was dragged into this dastardly incident. Furthermore, I hereby state that I do not support Pepsi advertising subsidiaries neither now nor in the future.

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