Random Jokes

*these may not be as funny as I thought they were but I was literally out of ideas for today’s post. Here they are

Man shaves his head because someone called him a dickhead and he went with it
Person caught masturbating on camera begins his criminal defence with “on the one hand”
What’s the difference between the nuns and a hijab, a lot of Christians aren’t catholic
Lady in ancient arabia rides into town and as she passes you can really see the cameltoe
Man purchases a dozen horses, says he wants to invest in a stable economy
Person donates toward the revival of favourite show, becomes donor for Pentecostal church
Lazy writer gets contract revoked because ‘place holder female’ is not a good character name
Method actor for period piece goes into a museum in character and gets lost
Apparently a computer virus understands human connection and helps you get a bigger penis in 9 days
Even if Mayday was a bank holiday, he shouldn’t have slept on her
If Amazons are warrior women only, then their economy must be very Greek indeed
If I hear ‘insert cash or select payment type’ again i’m going to ‘thank you for shopping at tesco’

Shading

My bright eyes welcome the sun rays

It’s been a whole night since I punched someone

They sting the rays invading my space

I look beaten up like a man on sojourn

 

Wish I had a liner or concealer

I didn’t print FAQ’s for black eyes

Or rather there was a healer

With strange magic to fix my blinds

 

It gets really dark when I don’t let the sun in

Too bright when I don’t want to bask in rays

Indifference keeps me up for days sometimes

Today I wake groggy and out for brains

 

Drank a couple pints with my scottish mate

Note to never drink on a school night

Head drums like there’s a vessel about to deflate

Also to avoid the follies of getting in a fight

Why love the world?

I dropped my beliefs because I fought another’s war

Had little time for self, had little worth of self

I gave up on church, taking lashes had made me sore

Felt so little could be changed, was little more than a serf

 

No one forced me to believe, none forced me to leave

Dad had a disappointed father for his decision to believe

Here I was thirty years later deciding not to follow his path

Kept my new life to myself as there’s no loans to borrow

 

Shame they said that the west had gone in the sewage

Laws that freed love, somehow made them the enemy

A choice was made for me about my definition of marriage

I did not care for this, as I do not care for the rising sun or Craig Bellamy

 

I will not critique someone who finds solace in belief

But I did not appreciate being vindictive about things I had no care for

Being an interested male sworn to celibacy with no course for relief

So ultimately I did not think their ways left me whole rather split in four